Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I’ve ever been. -Iain Thomas

Last December I saw a bazillion articles and blogs about New Year resolutions and I thought I too could blog about resolutions. It might be good to share. It might be inspirational and it could be funny. So I wrote it and as I reread it, it became clear that most geeky girl resolutions are born out of self esteem issues or an extreme need to be some kind of normal. Hard to make that funny. My list of resolutions was common so that inspirationalness was even harder. I decided to archive my January blog but I did not give up on the topic. Here is my September resolution blog where I’ll tell you how this years resolution is going for me. Yep…resolution. Just one. Uno resolutiono.

I used to have a huge list of all the things I was going to change in any given year because most geeky girls are over achievers. One year’s list looked like this:

• Quit smoking
• Eat healthier
• Stop yelling (Yes, I’m a yeller and this trait is only impressive to me.)
• Exercise more

Anyone who has quit smoking knows that when you do, it is impossible to eat healthier when all you want every minute of the day is nicotine and the only replacement for nicotine is to shove (insert any food that comes in a 300 count bag or box that you don’t have to cook and will sit on the front seat of the car without spilling) into your mouth all day. For me, this was Ritz crackers.

Let’s just say that I should have bought stock in Nabisco the day before I quit smoking. And elastic. The only way to stop yelling while to you are trying to quit smoking is to double up the effort of shoving food into your mouth. It is hard to yell with food in your mouth and it’s disgusting. Now comes the part where exercise flashed on my list like a neon sign in front of a bar. I tried every which way to figure out how to bring my box of Ritz crackers into the gym without being lectured. Or somebody taking them. The only solution I could come up with was to skip the gym and take to the open road with a fanny pack jammed to the top with Ritz. I have an above average IQ and yet it never occurred to me that dogs run loose on farms and they can smell a sweaty geeky girl running with crackers from a mile away. Let me just say the rest of that experience is a story for another time.

It wasn’t long after the Cujo farm dog incident that I started smoking again. I chalked up every one of that year’s resolutions as big fat failures and I vowed as I blew smoke rings over my head, that I would never resolute again. Then January 1st came around again. Dammit. I got caught right back into the resolution hype and my resolution choices were still the same. Quit smoking…eat healthier…stop yelling…exercise more. The only thing that changed for me was now the word resolution was associated with the word Cujo so just thinking about resolutions gave me the shivers. So out with the old and (wait for it) in with the new. With the new came new rules that went like this:

• Resolutions will no longer be called resolutions but intentions. This took care of the Cujo shivers anytime I said resolution.
• It would be limited to one. One thing. One idea. One effort. One intention.
• It would take all year therefore the starting date did not matter and reflection would begin in December.
• I wouldn’t tell anyone what it was. This was easier than it sounds because if someone asked me if I had a resolution in January (the only time anyone asks), I would say no, I don’t do resolutions leaving out the part where I did intentions instead.
• I would be gentle with the results. This was no longer about pass or fail because my go big or go home way of doing things really sucked when it came to resolutions. I can’t remember one time I passed. Here’s another weird thing. How many of you can recall having a conversation at the end of any given year when someone said “Woot! I nailed my New Year Resolution this year”? I’m guessing you don’t because no one does and if someone did we would turn and walk away. We would say yah right. We would secretly hate them for it for the next year.
• Last but not least, I would take all the time I needed to figure out what that intention would be. Now I take the whole year before randomly trying on ideas for the next year. I look hard for that intention and what a difference this has made.

The first year of this new plan was a great experiment. That year the intention was to understand our money better. Not save more of it. Not spend less of it. But to understand where it went and to learn of options for it like where it could live and maybe offer some returns. Like how we could make more of it. At the end of December that year, I looked back and found that we spent most of our money on necessities like food, shelter, and car repairs. That we really didn’t have a lot of fun like vacations, theatre tickets and toys. That savings accounts for the middle class were a joke. As awareness trickled throughout the year, I became obsessed (like only a geeky girl can) with coupon clipping, reward programs, free entertainment and the true value of things. I can honestly say that to this day the way I think of money has continued to evolve and I still do all the things I learned that year. Wow! Pow! Kaboom!

How about this year’s intention? It’s going just as well as money year.  Anyone who is close to me has seen a difference. They might not be able to put their finger on exactly what it is but the difference is there. I’ve learned a lot…again. I’ve learned that I can do hard things. These are things that might not be hard for you but trust me, they have been incredibly hard for me. I’ve learned that starting is the beginning of all things good. (Hello Captain Obvious.) This is less about starting something and more about being o.k. with not finishing something that shouldn’t be finished or changing my mind about something. It is about flailing in front of witnesses sometimes. A start means action and no longer contemplating (a super nice word for procrastination). Holy Hannah. My head is spinning from thinking about the last few months.

With this new system old resolutions have become new ways of life. It’s been eight years, four months and two days since I smoked my last cigarette. I eat healthier than I thought I ever could although I can no longer have a box of Ritz crackers in my house. As for EXERCISE (flash) EXERCISE (flash) EXERCISE. Nailed it. I’ve walked over 500 miles this year and am on pace for another 500 more.

And yelling? This is where I keep you from walking away. I yell more than ever. I blame this on not smoking. No, not because I’m edgy but because every year I don’t smoke my lungs have more yelling stamina. That’s right…only impressive to me.

I’ll leave you with this. Any day can be New Intention Day. Get yourself a hat, one of those little tooty horns and a cocktail if this is what would motivate a new intention. Think small. Think about you. Don’t tell anyone. Let them think maybe they should take video of you in your hat with your cocktail shouting Happy New (think Intention) Year on October 10th in case they need it for the commitment hearing. Invite me over and I’ll help you celebrate. You can tell the judge it was all my doing and you were just along for the ride.

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